NaPoWriMo Poems 21-30

Poem 21

I leave one toe

pressed 

firmly against the

ground

and try to leap

into faith

with my free foot

I straddle the line between

where I am

and where I want to be

knowing I must

pick a side

I say I'm a believer

but I can't shake my fear of

what will happen

when I let go

and am only holding on

to me.

 

Poem 22

I have spent a long time

growing

and shifting

changing

and evolving

gradually

slowly

moving ever so slightly

wrapped in my

little

cocoon

but now it's time to

unfurl my legs

release my fingers

raise my head

and revel

in my newness

 

 

Poem 23

I didn't know I could

fly

I told myself

silly girl

I replied

what did you think those

wings

were for?

 

Poem 24

no turning back now

the only way out is through

had you forgotten?

 

Poem 25

be still

take comfort in

the quiet

let the seconds

inch by

allow the days

to drag

walk

don't run

enjoy that breath

place your hand

on your chest

let it pulse

in time with

your heartbeat

tomorrow is not going anywhere

 

Poem 26

I strain and pull

words from places I had

buried, places that were

forgotten, places I found under layers of

who I am and

who I was

and

everything

anyone

has ever thought of me including

me

I bring them forth and

dust them off and

polish them until they

shine.

 

Poem 27

Will you still

love me after the world has changed

and I don't need you.

 

Poem 28

Forgiveness

does not require forgetting

The past holds lessons.

 

Poem 29

Freedom is

being able to breath freely

in your own skin

 

Poem 30

I sidle beside her

and almost touch her

but she slips away again

always one step ahead

I call out to her and

promise her things

but when I reach for her

I am grasping for air

I am not sure that

time and I

are friends.

NaPoWriMo Poems 11-20

Poem 11

Home is where I feel

warm and safe and at peace with

who and what I am

 

Poem 12

love is wandering

but not lost

coming home

to a new place

with the same smells

quiet

like morning

just before the sun

rises

loud like the thumping

of your heart

inside your ears

when you're standing on the edge

of something great

calm

like the sea

after a storm

but wild

as the roots of a tree

hundreds of years old

love is a living thing

 

Poem 13

Those seconds when I

first wake up

and

don't remember

you're not here

I roll onto my side

smile in my sleep

and reach

into the space

where

you should be

I am fully awake now

and I tell my journal

that lonely

is a noun

the absence of a person

a place I go to reluctantly

this thing that keeps me

company

when you're not here.

 

Poem 14

I write because there

are words in my head

that bed to be strung together

and

I think

only I can make

sense

of them

they beg to be epic dramas

and short fantasies

stories that have no beginning

stories I wish wouldn't end

these stories

these words

they crowd my insides

until I release them

unable to take a breathe

until they're told

 

Poem 15

My poems are time capsules

memories

captured in verses

thoughts

from a time

I can no longer touch

A one way window

letting me see

the she

I used to be

when  I need help

remembering.

 

Poem 16

I stand on the edge

and stare down

below me

My toes tease the open air

I search for fear

in the pit of my belly

but am met instead

with butterflies.

I bounce on the balls of my feet

close my eyes

and take a breathe.

There is nothing to do now

but leap

and trust me wings to carry me.

 

Poem 17

I am

suffocating

suff

o

cating

suffoca

ting

there is

no air

anywhere

no

potential

for a breath

I am

fading

running out of

options

 

Poem 18

I delivered my

children. and they delivered

me. shared gift of love.

 

Poem 19

Change is inevitable

but when

will the lives we've lost and

the lives we stand to lose

mean enough

for a change

to be made

when will that distant tomorrow

finally become

today

 

Poem 20

my heart beats a bit

quicker these days it feels just

like falling in love.

 

NaPoWriMo Poems 1-10

Poem 1

I close my eyes

and paint images of my

sheros and

heros

across my mental landscape.

Bold brushstrokes and

striking contrasts

in radiant reds,

vivid yellows and

and vibrant blues.

They shine so brightly

when I open my eyes

and look at my own

reflection

I am fuzzy around the edges.

Blurred lines

and muted colors.

I peek into places

I wish were filled with greatness

and find only shallow pools of potential.

I diminish myself in the shadow of

everything

I wish

I could be

and define myself

by what

I am not.

 

Poem 2

I wander down the path

barefoot

taking my time

letting

my feet

get familiar with the pavement

before I take

my next

step.

my arms brush my sides

as they swing

back and forth

and I veer off

a little

to the left

I lay down

sink

into the grassy cushion

and watch

as the sky passes

pale pink to dusty rose

dusty rose to violet

violet to indigo

and I wait

In the space of

the shutter of my eyelids

it happens

it appears

my North Star

 

Poem 3

I live in the space where dreams and reality hold hands

and whisper to each other all their secrets and sorrows.

I dance in the hollows left by the spaces where they don't touch.

I spend holidays in the no-man's land where everything

and anything is possible cuz no one's rules apply.

I live in a space where dreams and reality combine

to create a place that is wholly and uniquely mine.

 

Poem 4

Invisible to the naked eye

I wrap myself up in it

and strut

down the street.

I listen to the whispers

I feel the stares

Folks see my smile

and wonder aloud

"Does she know she's

naked?"

I chuckle at what they

cannot see.

I settle into a satisfied smile

and I look down at my body

covered in

the impression of your kisses

when your lips have gone,

the warmth of your palm in mine,

the tenderness of your fingertips

on the bare small of my back,

the moments that pass

between us when not a word

is said.

I smile at those people

as they gaze at me

confused at the height

of my chin and

the certainty

of my steps.

They cannot see

I wear your love

like a second skin.

 

Poem 5

Each year as more distance grows

between me and

it

I hope to forget

but my stomach tightens

and my temper shortens

and my joints stiffen

before I am aware

of my remembering

Call it muscle memory

Call it aftershocks

from an earthquake almost

two

decades

old

that invades my body

before alerting my mind

and I go days

puzzling at the shift

trying to pinpoint

the reason

I am turning inward

on myself

burrowing so deep

I can not find me

But then my head

catches up with my heart

already broken and rebroken

and mending as best it can

and I cry conscious tears

as my whole self mourns

my knowing.

 

Poem 6

Nothing happened

I made it home

Two feet through the door

head atop my neck

sitting squarely on my shoulders

every hair in place

no tousled locs holding tales of trauma

I am

fine

I made it

But the sound of those footsteps echoing mine

The shadows cast on his face

in twilight

and the familiar fear

The tightening in my chest

The tension in my muscles

The painful rapid beating of my heart

that remembers

what has yet to happen

that remembers

violence can come from familiar places

as easily as from strange ones

that remembers

the impressions left on its spirit

that linger long after the impressions of fingertips

have faded

I wish I could forget.

 

Poem 7

Breathing life

I am breathing life

I wake up

and before I open my eyes

I breathe

life

Knowing air will keep my

pulse pumping

and my heart

beating

but life 

will be what keeps me

alive.

I inhale

and exhale

big gulps of living

until my nostrils flare

and my

throat burns

but the pain is a reminder

that I am here.

 

Poem 8

i make worlds with my

words hoping to manifest

a new tomorrow.

 

Poem 9

consistent

in its inconsistencies

unwavering

in its inevitability

reliable

as my next breath

and the one after that

until

I reach

my last

I wait for change

my familiar friend

now that I am wise enough

to embrace it

brave enough

to hold its hand

strong enough

to hold myself

steady

as it dances

around me

 

Poem 10

The me that is

relfected

in my

reflection

is only

a piece

of me

she is only the part that

you

see

the image I hold in my mind

is skewed

from perceptions

expertly crafted

diligently molded

from the beginning

of my time

I can not see the she

that stands in for me

and sometimes I wonder

which one of us

is real?

 

 

Love in the Time of Ferguson

his corkscrew curls glisten with sweat and adhere him

to my chest

the beating of my heart plays a lullaby only he can hear

and i run my fingers absently

through his hair.

his tiny bottom lip pokes out

his breath is no more than a whisper

i press my lips to his forehead

and hold him as he sleeps

i envelope him in love

and wish it were a tangible thing

to cloak him

like armor

to protect him from a world i didn’t predict.

did someone swap our staircase

for a treadmill when we weren’t looking?

am i standing in place

still standing in a space

where i have babies

but someone else decides if i can keep them?

sometimes it feels selfish

to offer up these children

to a world full of preconceived notions

that have nothing to do with

the lives they have touched

or

the sharpness of their minds

or even

the contents of their hearts

but in a world ripe with hate

having these brown babies is an act of revolution

and raising them takes

courage

and strength

i love my boy fiercely

in defiance of the fear that i feel

and silently send his sleeping mind

dreams of a bright future

that i dare to have faith in.