Sometimes I Feel Like a Fraud

My amazing publicist, Chief Executive Officer of Opal Consulting, Chanelle Figueroa, told me about something called Imposter Syndrome. To put it simply, Imposter Syndrome is "a term used to describe people who are unable to internalize their accomplishments"(thanks Wikipedia). I'd never heard of it before, but the more I read about it, the more I realized I've been dealing with this syndrome for most of my life, but it's really been rearing it's head in the last year since I decided to be a full-time writer. 

When I post my weekly mantras and words of advice on my various social media platforms, sometimes I feel like a fraud. I look at my profile and from the outside it looks like I have it together, but there are many times when the last thing I feel is "together." So I look at my profile(s) and feel like the person I am presenting to the world is not the real me. Not the authentic me. Not self-doubting, second-guessing, on the verge of quitting me. 

But it would be unfair to myself to pretend that those pieces of me are all of me. The mantras, the words of advice, the "real talk" are part of me as well. They are the best versions of me. They are the things I tell myself when I'm self-doubting, second-guessing and on the verge of quitting. When I share those parts of me, it is not an attempt to mask, hide, or otherwise deny my struggle. I share it in hopes that someone somewhere, who is struggling just like I am, will see the words and be encouraged. 

Now while that is part of it, there is definitely a part of me that is afraid to share my rough edges. Scared that others will see them and reduce me to the sum total of my shortcomings, and that scares me. So, I hesitate to share my challenges in a way that I don't with my triumphs, but I am working on that. 

Everyday I remind myself that I am a constantly evolving, ever changing, bit of creation in divine motion. I am not perfect, and it is not my intention to pretend to be so. That is absolutely not the goal. The goal is to be human. Beautifully human, with all the flaws, vulnerabilities, talents and gifts that that entails. The goal is to show up as me, every day, and as long as I'm doing that, I'll never be a fraud. 

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Verses in Peace