The Truth About Planning

I am a habitual planner. I take comfort in my plans. It gives me a sense of order and control over my life. And while I do admit the occasional surprise can be thrilling, in general, I like to know what is coming next. But, as we all know, life does not always go according to plan. In order keep myself from suffering continual disappointment, I have had to change the way I look at my plans.

Here are some of the strategies I employ when planning:

  1. Place more emphasis on your desired outcome than on how you will get there. You don't have to write out every detail for how you will travel from point A to point B, just put it in your plan to arrive there.

  2. When creating broader plans just won't do, stick to daily plans, or weekly plans with manageable tasks in them.

  3. Be gentle with yourself. Flexibility is the name of the game. Life changes and plans must change with them. Even if you're only making daily plans, a lot can happen in the course of the day that can change your original course of action.

  4. Look at your plans as a starting point, or loose guidelines, rather than a manual to be strictly followed.

 

I hope these suggestions help you as they have helped me. Happy planning!

 

Living My Purpose

Every year my husband reads The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo. If you've never read it, hop on Amazon (or your preferred book seller) or run over to your local library and pick it up ASAP. It's a quick read, and worth every word from page one, word one. I don't read it annually, but I've read it at least three times since the first time, and each time it gives me a renewed sense of purpose.

One of the major lessons learned from the book is that when you are living your life's purpose the universe lines itself up to help you achieve it. When you are putting in the work to realize your dreams, even though you may not see immediate results, know that it's all coming together.

A year ago I decided (with the love and support of my friends and family - my best friend/husband in particular) to leave my 9 to 5, and start writing full-time. Once I made the decision I fully committed to it, but I was terrified. I have plenty of moments where I wonder if the choice I made was the right one, and whether all the work I am doing will ever amount to a sustainable career, but when I have those moments, the universe usually provides me with some sign that I am in fact living my purpose.

You have just as much right as anyone else to manifest your dreams. The only thing standing between you and that dream is your own belief that you can achieve it, your willingness to put in the work to get you there, the strength to keep going when others might quit, and the drive to sustain you. Trust in your purpose and know that the universe will see you through.

 

Some Thoughts On Opportunities

I sometimes feel like I am in an opportunity drought. When this happens, as far as I can tell I'm doing all the right things. I'm putting myself out there. I'm stating my intentions to the universe. I'm matching those intentions with solid effort. When it calls for it, I am even scrapping my original plan and completely reworking the way I do things. And yet, nothing continues to pan out.

I wrack my brain trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong and/or what I need to do differently and what the universe is trying to tell me. I try to regroup, but it is easy to become disheartened and discouraged as the drought continues to lengthen.

 

Then something comes along to end the drought, and at first it feels like a sign from the universe. After repeated nos and occasionally not hearing anything at all, getting a yes feels like it must mean something. And it surely does, but the universe is not always literal.

The appearance of an opportunity after a long stretch without any, doesn't necessarily mean it's the opportunity for you.  It could be meant to help you keep the faith that there are opportunities out there waiting for you. It could be meant to test your resolve in whatever your current venture is. It could be a chance for you to reexamine what you really want in life. It could be any number of things.

You do not have to walk through every door that opens. Not every door is your door. Don't feel like you need to say yes, just because you're afraid to say no. And it's tough, because no one can tell you if it's your door or not. That is something only you can determine. But if you sit really still, and just listen, the answer is there.

 

 

5 Things I Learned About Happiness

In March I decided to embark on 100 Days of Happiness and on June 28, 2015, I completed that journey. Back in March when I was standing on the precipice of these 100 days they felt daunting, and there were days during my journey when I felt like I had nothing to contribute for the day, but I always found at least one moment. Usually, in my search for one I found many. And now, on the other side of my 100 days of documented happiness, I have learned a lot about what it means to be happy.

Happy Lessons

Lesson 1: Just because sorrow is heavier than happiness, doesn't mean you have to let it weigh you down. You can choose to sink, or you can choose to allow your happy moments to lift you.

Lesson 2: Happiness and gratitude are closely linked. If you can hone in one what you have to be grateful for, happiness won't be far behind.

Lesson 3: There is not a person in this world who can not find a reason to be happy each and every day. It's all a matter of perspective.

Lesson 4: Happiness comes in all sizes and many forms. Epic happiness is amazing, but does not diminish the tiny happinesses that occur on a daily basis and compound to build joy.

Lesson 5: Where there is love, there is happiness. On days when all else fails, look to what (or more often times who) you love.

Even though I am no longer methodically keeping tracking of my happy moments on a daily basis. I am now more aware of them, and more aware of the choices I make about what I focus on in my life. So often the difference between being happy and not is merely a shift in focus.

Choose Happiness :)

How I Keep From Quitting

I think about quitting sometimes. Depending on the week or month you catch me in, one might be able to say I think about it a lot. I imagine myself giving it all up. No more writing. No more coaching. No more dreaming. I give myself a million reasons (read excuses) why quitting is my best option. But then, right when I'm on the brink of deleting my Facebook page, scrapping my website, and depositing my latest manuscript in the trash bin on my desktop, I ask myself, "But then what?"

 

Say I quit, then what happens? Where do I go from there?How will I feel about myself? What will I say to my kids and all the people who supported and believed in me? Am I going to tell them it just got too hard? No! Every time, I tell myself no. Because I am tougher that that, and so are you. And my dreams are worth every ounce of hard work I have and will continue to put into them and so are yours.

Struggle is part of the journey. Doubt is part of the journey. But I'll tell you like I tell myself: Don't give up. You've worked too hard and come too far for that. You have just as much right to realize your dreams as anyone else, and the only thing keeping you from them is the will to keep going - the will to stay the course when others throw in the towel.

 

 

Overnight Success

My greatest "Aha!" moments usually happen in one of three ways -- during focused meditation, while reading, or while having a conversation with someone or a group of someones, and often times that someone is one of my siblings.

Between biological family, the family I married into and chosen family, I have a gaggle of sisters and brothers. At any given moment I can call one of them and be blessed with some words of wisdom. This very thing happened the other day when I was talking with one of my brothers. He told me "Overnight success is a ten year path. The pinnacle is when the switch gets flipped and the world sees your art and you are praised and sought after as you rightfully deserve." Pretty amazing right?

Now, as much as I definitely have enough material to gush about how awesome my sisters and brothers are for the entire newsletter, what I want to talk about today is what my brother said. Often times we look at successful people and just see the end product. We see them at their "pinnacle" moment. But those moments were preceded, in many cases, by years and years of hard work and perseverance.

I recently read an interview with an author I admire, and she said that even after she got a publishing deal, it was still another two years before her book was released. Two Years!!

If you want to live your dreams, you have to be in it for the long haul. You have to believe that every step you take now, even the baby steps, brings you one step closer to the life you've envisioned for yourself. You will get there! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

Words to Live By

I was looking through some of my writing this morning, filing some miscellaneous pieces, and came across a piece I wrote last year. It was a speech for a senior celebration at Swarthmore College. In that speech, I offered some advice to the impending graduates that I wished I'd had when I was their age. However, as I read back through the speech, I realized that the advice I'd given them was advice that I continue to apply to my life now. It's advice that I've given to friends both older and younger than me. These are words you can use, no matter where you are on life's journey, and I thought I would share them with you.

 

1. Don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Take chances, explore, take the road less traveled.

2. Don't be afraid to fail. There is far less to be gained from playing it safe than there if from going out on the limb. We learn so much from failure. What works. What doesn't work. We also learn a lot about ourselves. What we are capable of, and how we respond when faced with challenges. Embrace your failures as detours on your path to victory, and as opportunities for growth.

3.Remember that everyone has their own personal struggles and treat people with kindness.

4. Take the time to nurture the positive relationships in your life.

5. Be your own best friend. Take time to do things that soothe your spirit and energize your soul.

6. Express gratitude each and every day. Expressing gratitude is both a humbling experience and a daily exercise in keeping things in perspective.

 

Writing Myself Into Being

My husband says I grew up like a gypsy. He says that's why I get uncomfortable when we live in a single place for more than a few years. I'm not sure if that's true, but I do know that for as long as I can remember, I have been searching for my place; searching for somewhere my spirit will recognize I belong.

My writing has always accompanied me on this journey to find my voice. The characters I create and the stories I tel; reflect that. I write about women, mothers, sisters, and children. I write about subtle traumas and catastrophic ones. I write about relationships and love, both the ones that hurt and the ones that heal. I write about intricacies and politics of identity and I write myself into places and spaces where I and others like me can belong.

Story telling at its best allows us to not only connect with characters  across the spectrum of human experience, but it allows us to find ourselves. The worlds I create spring from the world I come from. They are diverse, challenging, blended and heart breaking, but they differ in that I help my characters find power in their difference, a power I wish I had recognized growing up, and a power I hope my words help others realize.


Living Outside of My Comfort Zone

When I turned 30 I created a list of 30 experience for my 30th year of life. I put tangible experiences on there, but I also added items that were more about a shift in mindset, little ways in which I wanted to live my life differently.  One of those items was "Do something COMPLETELY outside my comfort zone" (#18). When I wrote that down I imagined an instant, a single event where I would do something that scared me. Maybe I would finally go skydiving with my husband, or run a marathon, or go on a vacation all by myself on a whim (I am not a solitary person). I had no idea what doing something outside of my comfort zone would become a way of life.

I have always wanted to be a writer. As I was growing up I wanted to be a writer and a teacher, a writer and a firefighter, a writer and a lawyer and within the last decade I've settled into a writer and a midwife, but writer is always there. But it was not until this year -August of this year to be exact- that I finally decided to go for it. And it was a scary decision to make. There are certain securities that come with working a 9 to 5 and choosing to be a writer, for me, meant giving up on some of that.

I worried that when I sat down to write the words wouldn't come. I worried that no one would want to read my stories. I worried that I wouldn't be able to financially contribute to my family. I worried about a lot of things. But, I made the choice to write anyway, and now I live in this place that is new each and every day. It's a little bit scary, but it's also exciting and the culmination of a dream I've had for as long as I can remember.

Sometimes I backslide and second guess myself and consider giving up, but I have an amazing support network that reminds me why I'm doing this even when I can't remember (or am willfully choosing not to remember) myself. I'm doing this because I love it, and because I want to spend my days pouring my heart into work I feel passionate about.

I couldn't be happier to have left my comfort zone behind.

On Writing Hello Morning

Writing is like working a muscle. Some days you hit the gym when you really shouldn’t and you end up pulling something. Other days you’re pumped, and the workout is amazing. Still other days you all but drag yourself to the gym, yet somehow come out incredibly proud for having pushed yourself. I experienced all three of these experiences while writing Hello Morning. I scrapped whole chapters that felt forced, and also wrote some of my best stuff on days I really didn’t feel like writing.

Writing this book for me was also a personal lesson. I am never going to be Toni Morrison. I am never going to be Maya Angelou. I am never going to be Octavia Butler. I am never going to be J.K. Rowling, but likewise, they will never be me either. My writing voice is unique to me, and the work that I produce will only ever be mine. It took a long time for me to really appreciate that, particularly with regard to the length of Hello Morning. I actually went so far as to collect all of the Toni Morrison books I own, and take the average of their page numbers...

But then I remembered something I heard Carrie Bradshaw say in the first Sex and the City movie (unlikely source I know). "Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories, but, that doesn't make them any less filled with love." Something about that quote helped me to find my peace with what I’d written. Something about it allowed me to let this story to be what it is, instead of trying to make it into something else.