Below is the eleventh week of my daily ten observations. To learn more about my daily ten, and read the observations that came before these, you can read all previous posts here.
1. He looks like a baby again when he plays. The kitten we adopted 8 years ago is all over his face.
2. I know there are things to be done, but I just want to sit here a moment.
3. She is of me, but before she is mine she is her own. She belongs to herself.
4. I saw the exact moment the streetlights turned out. All at once, like someone, somewhere flicked a switch, and decided the day had begun.
5. Even though we are running late, we stop to marvel at the rainbow made from sprinkler and sunshine.
6. "I am made of light. I made made of stars." The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz
7. "Everything is God." The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz
8. I am always hungry but there's so much less room in my body for the food I'm putting in there.
9. Excitement is pouring out of every inch of him.
10. My lap is full of belly. It won't be long now.
1. She looks surprised to see me in the window, even though I'm here just about every morning.
2. His morning wake-ups are so much different than his midday nap wake-ups. In the morning he rises fully awake and ready to go.
3. "Take root among the stars." Octavia Butler
4. The streetlights go off in waves. First one set, then the next 30 seconds later. Maybe there is a third wave somewhere that I don't see.
5. Having a routine is comforting for him. I suppose he is like me in that way.
6. I definitely thought she was someone else. I don't even know that I can blame this on my pregnancy brain.
7. I feel embarrassed, like I need to find this woman right this minute and correct my mistake. Why am I making such a big deal of this?
8. "Don't take anything personally," agreement number two. Much easier said than done.
9. My little bear is tired. I hope that's all it is.
10. I want to rest and I want to redecorate my room -- at the same time. This is what happens when nesting meets end of pregnancy fatigue.
1. She didn't say goodbye to me this morning. Over an hour later and I'm still thinking about that.
2. I am tired, but I don't think I can sleep right now.
3. I tell myself, "any day now," but I still act like I have all the time in the world.
4. Everything is taking so much effort today. The simplest tasks are leaving me tired.
5. "Not enough," is running on a loop in my head today. I have tried my usual tricks to silence it, or drown it out, but nothing seems to be working.
6. I practice so much restraint to keep other people from thinking I'm "too emotional," but what is that? What is "too emotional," and why do I care if someone thinks that of me?
7. I am trying to remind myself that I am made of stardust and magic, but there is a voice inside that refutes all my assertions.
8. "When someone can touch what used to be a wound and it no longer hurts you, then you have truly forgiven." The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz
9. It would be amazing to be so healed.
10. My bag is, almost, completely packed.
1. They're playing so well together. They've come a long way.
2. I'm still thinking about that woman I mistook for someone else at the park the other day.
3. I'm struggling to talk about the way my body is feeling because I know words have power and I want to affirm my body, but I am hurting.
4. My body is sending me mixed signals. I'm not sure what it's trying to say.
5. Once again she tells me things I thought I knew, but clearly needed to hear.
6. He becomes super productive whenever he's worried.
7. Burger, french fries, chocolate brownie, ice cream. All bribes to keep the baby inside.
8. It has been quite the day. I hope tonight and tomorrow will be less eventful.
9. It is nice to see her face after such a long day. She makes me feel warm inside.
10. My body is tired.
1. I am trying to savor this feeling as best I can. Trying to create vivid memories for myself of what it felt like to house a miracle -- to be so intimately acquainted with magic.
2. This is bittersweet. I am ready (I think) but there is still a sadness there.
3. I don't want him to worry. I don't want him to feel like he has to take on any more than he already does.
4. So much pressure.
5. I feel guilty for not tackling my to-do list today. Even under the circumstances I am still giving myself a hard time.
6. I keep wondering if this is it. I am worried that I'm not ready.
7. He sees me hurting, comes over, rubs my back and massages my shoulders with one hand, without letting go of the Lego people in his other hand. I can't help but think what an amazing little boy he is, and what a great man he will be one day.
8. Little Fires Everywhere. Little bear thinks this must be a book about firemen and how they save people.
9. I am running out of pages.
10. I want to set up his rocker next to our bed. I also want to just go to sleep. I don't want one of these more than the other at the moment which makes deciding what to do tough.
1. I have entered that phase where I wake up each morning wondering if today is the day.
2. My body is tired.
3. I haven't been this awake without anywhere to be this early in a long time.
4. I'm definitely going to need a nap today.
5. The sound of the rain underneath the wheels of passing cars, tapping on the window pane, pooling on the sill.
6. I had no intention to nap so much today, but apparently my body had plans it hadn't made me aware of.
7. We are so excited about these diapers.
8. I can still make us a meal. I can still at least do that.
9. This book is captivating.
10. Prodromal labor. This is new.
1. A good night's sleep will have you seeing the world with new eyes.
2. The frequency of the passing cars increases and the streetlights go out, each set in their turn. The town is waking up.
3. He wakes up so full of life, and questions. So many questions.
4. I am a little better today.
5. I love the look on his face when I show up to pick him up from school.
6. She's looking at me like she wants my ok, but I can't give it to her.
7. This is an excellent book.
8. I'd never thought about her quirks that way.
9. I feel a sense of accomplishment today -- though I don't think I actually did much.
10. He's so excited to play firefighters with me. I want to bottle up this memory.