Living Life on Purpose

Journal

noun

\ ˈjər-nᵊl \

a record of experiences, ideas, or reflections kept regularly

IMG_4224.PNG

Are you intentional with the thoughts, words and actions that you put out into the universe? How can the life you are living be closer to the one you are dreaming of? What do you need to let go of to expand your sense of possibility? 

Taking the time and courage to keep a journal and honestly answer these questions will help you harness your own wisdom and curate experiences that are in alignment with your best self. 

To answer more questions like these, check out Intentional 21. 21 days of affirmations, inspiration and reflection that will shift your perspective and transform your life. 

 

Exploration & Quiet Places

I am taking a writing course called Liberated Lines: Writing a Brave New World, and am still mulling over my answers to questions posed in the first week (we are now in the seventh), so I thought I would share them with you.

 

What do I want to explore?

I want to explore the abundance of life. I want to lean into enough and shed the myth of scarcity that I have woven into my personal narrative for so long. 

My heart wants to know me better. It wants to come into itself. 

Somewhere deep inside I long to explore my own divinity. 

What am I keeping in the quiet?

I am holding my rough edges in the quiet.

I am hiding the parts of me that do not fit neatly into boxes, parts that tumble out and spill over the sides, parts that people wouldn't think were inside of me because of my packaging. 

I am silencing my comfort for the sake of keeping others comfortable. 

 

I have been doing a lot of work to really uncover my truth, and what I have discovered in this exercise feels essential to that.

More soon...

Intentional 21 - A Journaling Journey

Journaling has been a blessing for me from the moment it came it to my life. I began journaling years ago by taking part in a 7 day journaling challenge I'd found on social media, but it quickly became a daily practice that lasted long after the challenge was over. 

Journaling allows me to reflect, dive deep into my own wisdom, and embrace my truth. 

For Christmas I created a 10 day email series of journal prompts for my family and friends. I revised that series and created a 7 day series which I shared with my social networks, and now I am offering a 21 day journaling series called Intentional 21. I am launching the series on March 1st, and it will carry us right into the first day of Spring, with the last email coming in on March 21st. 

Each email will contain a mantra meant to encourage, a quote meant to inspire, and a prompt meant to help you reflect on where you have been, where you are, and where you would like to go.

To participate in this transformative and illuminating series, sign up here. 

 

Lessons from 2017

I'm not entirely sure when I started using planners. It's been at least since high school, but it's possible I had one before then and just don't remember. For the last 4 years, I have used a Passion Planner, and they are hands down my favorite. I love the monthly and weekly layouts that help you create focal points for the days ahead, and provide you with inspirational quotes to motivate you. I love the Passion Roadmap at the start of every planner that encourages you to put your big dreams to paper and then create a plan for realizing them. But my favorite part of the planner has to be the monthly, mid-year and end-of-year reflections. 

I thought I would share a bit of my 2017 end of year reflection with you. 

 

What were your three biggest lessons you learned this past year? What is one way to incorporate these lessons into your life?

1. Everything will happen in its own time. Be patient. Be mindful. Don't rush good talent.

2. Allowing yourself to be seen is tantamount to living an authentic life. Show up as yourself. Always. All ways. 

3. Words have power. Words become thoughts. Thoughts become actions. And all of these make your life. Be careful with how you talk to yourself and what you put out into the universe. 

 

Name three things you can improve on next year. What are concrete actions you can take to work toward these improvements?

1. Embrace abundance. The life you want is yours. Continue working for it. Open your arms, your mind, your heart, your spirit to that life. Claim it.

2. Patience. Everything will happen in its own time. Just keep showing up.

3. Be yourself. Show up as you are, not as you think people would like you to be.  

 

What lessons are you bringing with you into the new year? What are you working to improve?

Minimalist Book Challenge

In 2017, I challenged myself to read 52 books in 52 weeks and I made it! This year I have a different kind of book challenge in mind.

I'm calling it my "minimalist book challenge."

 

I have been on a journey to incorporate more minimalism into my life for well over a year now, but books are my favorite things, and getting rid of them is incredibly difficult for me. So, despite my best efforts, and a couple purging sessions, my book collection continues to grow (and grow). That's where this challenge comes in. 

I was looking at my bookshelf the other day thinking about how many of the books on my shelves I would actually read again or reference for some reason. And then I thought, if I'm not going to do either of those things, then why am I keeping them? 

So, for the first six months of 2018 (I'm going to try to go the whole year, but after the first six months I can make no promises) I'm only going to read books that are already on my shelves. AND, I'm only going to read one book at a time.

 

Here are my rules & a couple exceptions:

Rules

*I can read anything that is on any of the bookshelves in my house, including my husband's and children's shelves.

*I can only read one book at a time, even if the books I want to read are from different genres.  

*If I don't want to reread a book that is on my shelf, I have to remove it from my shelf and donate it to the library or Goodwill. 

*If I get beyond the first six months (say a prayer for me y'all) for every 3 books I donate I can get 1 new book. 

 

Exceptions

*I can, but do not have to, reread the books by Toni Morrison and Octavia Butler for this challenge, as I have already done that a few times (you will have to pry those books from my cold dead hands). 

*If I need to read a book for the bookclub I'm in with my bestie-sister, I can request it from the library OR get it through iBooks or Kindle. If I really love the book after reading it, I can add it to a list to consider purchasing at the close of the six months (or the year). 

*If someone buys me a book as a gift (without me asking for it) I can keep the book, but I have to wait a month before reading it. 

 

What do you think? Anyone interested in joining me? Let me know in the comments below. 

 

52 Books in 52 Weeks

I challenged myself to read 52 books in 2017, one book for each week of the year. At the start of the year I was wildly optimistic and expected I would come in well over 52, BUT, life happens, and I found myself cutting it pretty close towards the end (that will happen when you have a newborn baby in tow I suppose). BUT, I did it. 

Here are the 52 books I read in 2017. This was a great year in this bookworm's life, and I enjoyed pretty much everything on the list, but my favorites are highlighted. 

1. Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

2. In the Company of Women by Grace Bonney

3. Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

4. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates 

5. Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo

6. Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

7. Difficult Women by Roxane Gay

8. Citizen by Claudia Rankine

9. Building a Movement to End the New Jim Crow by Daniel Hunter

10. The Truth About Awiti  by CP Patrick

11. The Vegetarian by Han Kang

12. Envy by Sandra Brown

13. Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

14. Milk and Honey by Rupo Kaur

15. An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

16. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

17. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

18. Exit West By Mohsin Hamid

19. The Sun Is Also A Star by Nicola Yoon

20. Hallelujah Anyway by Anne Lamott

21. The Mothers  by Brit Bennett

22. Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson

23. The Flowering Woman by Q. Gibson

24. Rising Strong by Brené Brown

25. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

26. I'm Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi

27. Ordinary Light by Tracy Smith

28. What It Means When A Man Falls From the Sky by Lesley Arimah

29. Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor

30. A Million Junes by Emily Henry

31. The Girl With All the Gifts by M.R. Carey

32. Kindred: A Graphic Novel Adaptation by Damian Duffy and John Jennings 

33. Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older

34. The Ministry of Utmost Happiness by Arundhati Roy 

35. What We Lose by Zinzi Clemmons

36. All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks

37. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Who by Junot Diaz

38. Ghost by Jason Reynolds

39. Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler

40. Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler 

41. Patina by Jason Reynolds

42. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

43. Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

44. New People by Danzy Senna

45. Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward

46. Hunger by Roxane Gay

47. Electric Arches by Eve L. Ewing

48. A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver

49. Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

50. Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown

51.  Good Cry: What We Learn From Tears and Laughter by Nikki Giovanni

52. We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Daily Ten - Week Thirteen

Below is the thirteenth week of my daily ten observations. To learn more about my daily ten, and read the observations that came before these, you can read all previous posts here.

 

TEN. EIGHTY-FIVE.

1. Firefighter. Paramedic. Doctor. Pilot. Daddy. These are what he wants to be when he grows up.

2. It stopped being morning a while ago, but the only things I was observing were contractions and breath.

3. I can do this. 

4. Playing firefighters in shifts. Lay on my left side. Put out a fire or two. Switch and repeat.

5. They are arguing about whether fire just has living properties or is actually alive.

6. Lack of space is making me economical with my words. 

7. These observations are necessary.

8. I am one bangle short. I feel the difference. 

9. She's worn that crown every day since Monday. I love it. 

10. Good night journal. I appreciate you holding onto my memories for me. 

 

TEN. EIGHTY-SIX. 

1. I waited too long to find a new journal. This is a temporary home. 

2. Everyone is so excited to see him. He looks a bit overwhelmed, but there i a smile on his facet as he tucks his head behind me.

3. Of course, right as I settle into my meal it is time to go.

4. Standing up requires a pep talk. Taking steps requires deep breathing and patience. 

5. The leaves rain down from the trees and in the mid afternoon sun, the way their golden color catches the light makes it look like sky glitter.

6. I want to take off my shoes and tug at the grass between my toes. I want to close my eyes and live forever in this sunny spot.

7. I am so productive here.

8. Tis pen is getting on my nerves. So much for switching it up. 

9. Business in the front. Party in the back. 

10. Book #46. Almost there.

 

TEN. EIGHTY-SEVEN.

1. Each time I woke up to go to the bathroom during the night, he was still awake. I wish he could sleep in today, but I know he can't.

2. Her dishes clatter against the counter and I freeze. I wait to hear the little bear wake up, but he doesn't. 

3. This isn't quite what I wanted, but it will do. 

4. The way I feel inside her arms makes me want to cry. 

5. His tears spark mine, and the drops I'd held at bay not one hour before trip over themselves as they make paths down my face. 

6. I can not shake this mood. 

7. I play the sorting game to cheer myself up. It works - for a little while. 

8. I need to do our hair. Where am I going to get the energy to do our hair?

9. From this angle the decorations look like they are floating untethered in mid air. 

10. I just want to go to sleep and start fresh tomorrow.

 

TEN. EIGHTY-EIGHT.

1. I needed every minute of the sleep I got last night. It was nice to wake up when my body was ready and not to an alarm. 

2. I remember snapshots of my dreams but they don't create a full picture. 

3. 28 ounces of water and I almost instantly feel better.

4. Broken water. 

5. 3cm

6. 5cm

7. 9.5cm

8. Push.

9. Micah Kingston Nelms.

10. He's beautiful. 

 

TEN. EIGHTY-NINE.

1. I'm still in disbelief.

2. I made another miracle.

3. The days are bleeding together. It is tomorrow, but it still feels like today. 

4. The woman 2 doors down cries out again and again over the course of an hour as her older daughter's footsteps pound up and down the hallway. 

5. Everything is quiet for a little while and then the doorbell rings. 

6. This woman cries out twice, and then a baby cries.

7. Little foot is still sleeping. 

8. He takes such good care of me. 

9. She goes through pages and pages of information and I am overwhelmed by all there is to remember. 

10. Their first meeting is everything I hoped for. 

 

TEN. NINETY.

1. He used to wake up at this time when he was on the inside too. 

2. I am always amazed by how little sleep I can get and still function.

3. She is the same home visit nurse we had with Miles. It is nice to see her again. 

4. He is so beautiful.

5. The heart is infinitely capable of growing and accommodating more love. 

6. I made a miracle and I am trying to give my body proper deference for housing it. 

7. This is a process. This healing takes time. It's been less then 48 hours.

8. We are all settling in to being six now. No longer five. 

9. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I sat down to eat. 

10. Whatever sleep I get I will appreciate. 

 

TEN. NINETY-ONE.

1. I considered taking a break from these entries, but I think I need them for my healing too. 

2. Fresh rain scented air sweeps through the house and it smells so good, I want to stick my head out of the window. 

3. It actually smells like fall today, but so many of the trees are still green. 

4. I want lemon poundcake. 

5. I would be 39 weeks now. I've never gone this early before. 

6. My body housed a miracle. It is natural for such a thing to mark me. I must remember this. 

7. I cry after passing the mirror, and remind myself again to be patient. 

8. Every interaction requires so much energy. 

9. He tells me things I knew but needed to hear. 

10. This is why he is my best friend. 

Daily Ten - Week Twelve

Below is the twelfth week of my daily ten observations. To learn more about my daily ten, and read the observations that came before these, you can read all previous posts here.

 

TEN. SEVENTY-EIGHT. 

1. We don't have many clocks in our house. It is entirely possible to go from one room to the next completely oblivious of the time. 

2. Holding on and letting go. Catch and release. 

3. I am running short on pages - trying to figure out what comes next. Dozens of days feels like an accomplishment, but what about hundreds? How would it feel to begin the page with TEN. THREE HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE?

4. He doesn't know it, but he has helped me affirm and recommit my practice.

5. You can love people with boundaries. You can love them from a distance. 

6. I wasn't sure how I felt about her the first time I met her, but our second meeting is much warmer and I decide I really like her. 

7. At least now I know we're making progress.

8. The look on his face when he sees me there to pick him up is everything. 

9. I wish I could be more helpful.

10. We are both so tired, but even though my body worked hard today, his exhaustion still feels more valid than my own. 

 

TEN. SEVENTY-NINE. 

1. Every sound she makes seems so pronounced this morning. 

2. We tuck everything away neatly once we've wiped the sleep from our faces and begin the day.

3. I am cutting it close today.

4. "Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." James Baldwin. 

5. One of my favorite words is, "lovely," when used sincerely.

6. Their suggestions all lead me back to the same place. 

7. I identify so strongly as their mother, sometimes I wonder if I get lost in that identification. 

8. I want to eat all the brownies and drink all the cider, but I don't. 

9. I am trying to make him feel safe.

10. I am so excited to get in my bed. 

 

TEN. EIGHTY.

1. Less than 3 weeks until my hundredth day. 

2. Knowing that my observations have sparked another person to start making observations makes me feel like I have paid the gift forward given to me by Alisha Sommer. 

3. 13 is my favorite number. Friday the 13ths have been one of my favorite days since I was a child. A Friday the 13th this close to Halloween feels almost magical. 

4. He sits on the floor beside the bed in the dark checking the news. I rake my hand through his hair and he rests his hand on my ankle. 

5. I don't know what I was expecting from the inside of this house, but it's not that. 

6. I had plans, and I adjusted them... this is big for me. 

7. My fingers are sore from my grip on the scissors. 

8. Everything is coming together. I was a little anxious, but I should have known it wasn't necessary. 

9. She's here. It feels like she should always be here. 

10. I felt wide awake just a moment ago. Where did that feeling go?

 

TEN. EIGHTY-ONE. 

1. He's coughing again. I lay and wait to see if it will resolve itself. It doesn't. I get up and bring him so water. 

2. He would eat the same thing for every meal every day if he could.

3. The morning went so quickly. I felt like I had more time than this when I woke up. 

4. I bristle at her comments, but I don't show it. I remind myself what she's saying isn't about me. It's about her. 

5. The room looks exactly like I pictured it. 

6. Everything is going smoothly. I didn't need to go overboard, like I almost did. The activities I put together are enough. 

7. She looks so happy. It makes all the planning and craft prepping worth it. 

8. This day feels like it should have been spread over several. 

9. I have mixed feelings about how much they like this show. 

10. Once I make it through Monday, I need to do some purging again. There's a lot of clutter accumulating and I'm no longer comfortable with that.

 

TEN. EIGHTY-TWO. 

1. The clouds keep covering the sun as the day breaks, it makes it hard to wake up. 

2. The hours between waking and 10am seem to pass the fastest. 

3. She has her tragus pierced. I'm used to being the only mom with body piercings and tattoos -- this makes me feel closer to her somehow.

4. He can't even contain his excitement, and why should he try. 

5. He's looking at me like he wants to carry me home. It's sweet but I appreciate that he resists the urge to offer. 

6. I got all the dye off of my hands except for my pinkie nail. That one is being stubborn. 

7. With each pregnancy we have been a team, but we feel even closer this last time. 

8. She'll be ten tomorrow.

9. She said, "I love how they family." I had never thought to use family as a verb before, but I instantly love it. 

10. He says I am fanatical about my journaling practice. It is a compliment; something he admires about me. 

 

TEN. EIGHTY-THREE.

1. The clenching of my belly and the localized ache in my lower back are coming more frequently, but I don't tell him at first. 

2. I convince myself it will pass. 

3. She is giddier now than she is on Christmas morning. I can hear her laughing from the other side of the house. 

4. Ten years old. Ten rotations around the sun. A decade earthside. 

5. I try to relax and release my muscles. Logically, I know tension makes it worse, but it's hard not to fight it. 

6. I stay in the shower almost too long. I force myself to turn off the water just before I get dizzy.

7. I think I want a tassel garland to hang over my writing desk. I am in love with the one I hung for her birthday. 

8. I need to take off this belly band but I am nervous because I know how much pressure will return to my hips. 

9. I love him in his Harry Potter pajama pants. I love him in everything. 

10. One more page left. I really shouldn't have waited til the last minute. 

 

TEN. EIGHTY-FOUR. 

1. Twelve weeks in. Of observing, of paying attention, of taking the time to really see things and wonder. 

2. It's cold outside. Not brisk or crisp, but actually cold. 

3. 38 weeks. Will I see 39?

4. I love how much of a little girl she still is, and I love watching her grow. 

5. Is this is? It might be it. Too early to tell. 

6. Nope, not yet. 

7. Making these playlists is helping me calm my nerves. 

8. I can't believe it's only Tuesday. 

9. Listening to my hips pop is unsettling. 

10. Daily Ten. Day Seventy-Three. Again and again. 

Daily Ten - Week Eleven

Below is the eleventh week of my daily ten observations. To learn more about my daily ten, and read the observations that came before these, you can read all previous posts here.

 

TEN. SEVENTY-ONE.

1. He looks like a baby again when he plays. The kitten we adopted 8 years ago is all over his face.

2. I know there are things to be done, but I just want to sit here a moment. 

3. She is of me, but before she is mine she is her own. She belongs to herself.

4. I saw the exact moment the streetlights turned out. All at once, like someone, somewhere flicked a switch, and decided the day had begun. 

5. Even though we are running late, we stop to marvel at the rainbow made from sprinkler and sunshine. 

6. "I am made of light. I made made of stars." The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

7. "Everything is God." The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

8. I am always hungry but there's so much less room in my body for the food I'm putting in there. 

9. Excitement is pouring out of every inch of him.

10. My lap is full of belly. It won't be long now. 

 

TEN. SEVENTY-TWO. 

1. She looks surprised to see me in the window, even though I'm here just about every morning. 

2. His morning wake-ups are so much different than his midday nap wake-ups. In the morning he rises fully awake and ready to go. 

3. "Take root among the stars." Octavia Butler

4. The streetlights go off in waves. First one set, then the next 30 seconds later. Maybe there is a third wave somewhere that I don't see. 

5. Having a routine is comforting for him. I suppose he is like me in that way. 

6. I definitely thought she was someone else. I don't even know that I can blame this on my pregnancy brain. 

7. I feel embarrassed, like I need to find this woman right this minute and correct my mistake. Why am I making such a big deal of this?

8. "Don't take anything personally," agreement number two. Much easier said than done. 

9. My little bear is tired. I hope that's all it is. 

10. I want to rest and I want to redecorate my room -- at the same time. This is what happens when nesting meets end of pregnancy fatigue. 

 

TEN. SEVENTY-THREE.

1. She didn't say goodbye to me this morning. Over an hour later and I'm still thinking about that. 

2. I am tired, but I don't think I can sleep right now. 

3. I tell myself, "any day now," but I still act like I have all the time in the world. 

4. Everything is taking so much effort today. The simplest tasks are leaving me tired. 

5. "Not enough," is running on a loop in my head today. I have tried my usual tricks to silence it, or drown it out, but nothing seems to be working. 

6. I practice so much restraint to keep other people from thinking I'm "too emotional," but what is that? What is "too emotional," and why do I care if someone thinks that of me?

7. I am trying to remind myself that I am made of stardust  and magic, but there is a voice inside that refutes all my assertions. 

8. "When someone can touch what used to be a wound and it no longer hurts you, then you have truly forgiven." The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

9. It would be amazing to be so healed. 

10. My bag is, almost, completely packed.

 

TEN. SEVENTY-FOUR.

1. They're playing so well together. They've come a long way. 

2. I'm still thinking about that woman I mistook for someone else at the park the other day. 

3. I'm struggling to talk about the way my body is feeling because I know words have power and I want to affirm my body, but I am hurting. 

4. My body is sending me mixed signals. I'm not sure what it's trying to say. 

5. Once again she tells me things I thought I knew, but clearly needed to hear.

6. He becomes super productive whenever he's worried. 

7. Burger, french fries, chocolate brownie, ice cream. All bribes to keep the baby inside. 

8. It has been quite the day. I hope tonight and tomorrow will be less eventful. 

9. It is nice to see her face after such a long day. She makes me feel warm inside. 

10. My body is tired.

 

TEN. SEVENTY-FIVE.

1. I am trying to savor this feeling as best I can. Trying to create vivid memories for myself of what it felt like to house a miracle -- to be so intimately acquainted with magic. 

2. This is bittersweet. I am ready (I think) but there is still a sadness there. 

3. I don't want him to worry. I don't want him to feel like he has to take on any more than he already does. 

4. So much pressure. 

5. I feel guilty for not tackling my to-do list today. Even under the circumstances I am still giving myself a hard time. 

6. I keep wondering if this is it. I am worried that I'm not ready. 

7. He sees me hurting, comes over, rubs my back and massages my shoulders with one hand, without letting go of the Lego people in his other hand. I can't help but think what an amazing little boy he is, and what a great man he will be one day. 

8. Little Fires Everywhere. Little bear thinks this must be a book about firemen and how they save people.

9. I am running out of pages. 

10. I want to set up his rocker next to our bed. I also want to just go to sleep. I don't want one of these more than the other at the moment which makes deciding what to do tough. 

 

TEN. SEVENTY-SIX.

1. I have entered that phase where I wake up each morning wondering if today is the day.

2. My body is tired. 

3. I haven't been this awake without anywhere to be this early in a long time. 

4. I'm definitely going to need a nap today. 

5. The sound of the rain underneath the wheels of passing cars, tapping on the window pane, pooling on the sill. 

6. I had no intention to nap so much today, but apparently my body had plans it hadn't made me aware of. 

7. We are so excited about these diapers. 

8. I can still make us a meal. I can still at least do that. 

9. This book is captivating. 

10. Prodromal labor. This is new. 

 

TEN. SEVENTY-SEVEN.

1. A good night's sleep will have you seeing the world with new eyes. 

2. The frequency of the passing cars increases and the streetlights go out, each set in their turn. The town is waking up. 

3. He wakes up so full of life, and questions. So many questions. 

4. I am a little better today. 

5. I love the look on his face when I show up to pick him up from school.

6. She's looking at me like she wants my ok, but I can't give it to her.

7. This is an excellent book. 

8. I'd never thought about her quirks that way. 

9. I feel a sense of accomplishment today -- though I don't think I actually did much.

10. He's so excited to play firefighters with me. I want to bottle up this memory.